the great pretender

Dear Any Human Person I Might Meet in the Future,

Here are ten important things you should know about me just in case we were to ever meet in the future, like at Wholefoods in a transaction-based scenario or at the scene of a car accident, or at a first date or job interview or at any other interaction-y situation:

  1. My name is Nisrine, ‘Niz’ for short. Although I do like the long version (because it makes me sound exotic and intriguing) most of the time I prefer when you call me ‘Niz’ because it makes me feel like you’ve known me for a long time and that we might possibly be friends.
  2. Sometimes, I don’t wax my arms and they get quite hairy and this makes me feel like a man. As for my head-hair, it is quite thin and from some angles, my head can look balding.
  3. I’m not very fit but am good at bikram yoga. Go figure.
  4. Generally-speaking, I’m a good speaker but when I’m nervous, and speaking to people who I perceive to be more educated then me, I tend to trip over my words and stutter. Other times, I tend to round my words and speak a little ‘ethnic’ which makes me feel uneducated and judged.
  5. I get intimidated by men.
  6. I like going to cultural events – like poetry readings and jazz concerts – but sometimes I end up getting bored or sleepy at them and think that maybe it’s just the thought of being cultural that appeals to me as opposed to the act of it.
  7. When I visit new suburbs or towns, I always work out the ratio of white people to people like me and if the number is higher on their end, I feel that they’re secretly wanting me to go back to where I came from.
  8. Sometimes, I forget to brush my teeth in the morning and I can leave my make-up on for two days. And I don’t feel guilty about it.
  9. When I walk past a group of laughing people, I automatically think they’re laughing at me which, unless I’m up on stage, I find very confronting and uncomfortable.
  10. I don’t know if I actually know how to be in a relationship. This scares the Notebook out of me.

It’s probably easier for you to know this now so that I don’t have to pretend when we meet. Pretending gets quite tiring, as do monthly arm waxes. But, I’m sure you know that; I’m sure you have some pretending of your own to contend with.

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