It has been a while, my friend. A while indeed.
I don’t know what it is but I haven’t been much in the mood to write and I feel a little guilty for this. I posted some things a few days back but they came out of a feeling of obligation and not inspiration. Shame on me. I would rather post one thing a month that is inspired that daily posts just for the fuck of it. It’s funny but it’s like my readers can sense my connection with my own writing.
How has life been for me this past week? I’m not gonna lie, Buddy: a roller coaster in every sense of the word. My most recent acting scene was so ridiculously fun and I felt more connected that ever, I got to volunteer at an underprivileged school in the Bronx which got me to put my Spanish to use, I moved out of Williamsburg and into the Lower East Side, giving up hipsters for cockroaches, and probably the highlight of my week…I met a potential Him. I know! It was an amazing week of all-day dates and dinners and epiphanies and epiphanys and I truly felt like all that I had asked for, all that I had envisioned for myself and all that others had envisioned for me, had finally manifested.
I’m eating way too much California chicken wraps and feel clogged, I’m getting dandruff and He hasn’t made contact in a couple of days. This feels shitty. It’s making me ask myself lovely little questions like ‘Does he like like me?’ ‘Did I do something to turn him off?’ ‘What if he’s not the Him and it was wishful thinking all along?’ ‘Do California chicken wraps give you dandruff?’ yada yada yada.
But, Buddy, that’s a whole other post. And not something I am going to choose to focus on today because I am the designer of my own life, starting with the thoughts I choose to think. Everything happens how it needs to and when it needs to and I very patiently await the release of negative emotion.
For now, dear dear Buddy, I need to realign myself with Source, independent of Him’s contacting or not contacting me. And as you know, for me, the quickest way to realignment is through counting my blessings. So, here we go…
Thank you, Buddy, for:
- My beautiful Williamsburg apartment for giving me a place to land. It definitely took me a while to get used to the ‘death poles and hot knobs’ but like with anything, it became home quite quickly and I feel sad having to say goodbye to it.
- The L train for taking me to and from Brooklyn with ease and (sometimes, frightening) speed.
- My new Airbnb apartment here in the Lower East Side for giving me a sanctuary away from the hussle and bussle of the city. Who knew I’d be so excited at having a basin IN the actual bathroom?!
- My acting teacher, John Korkes, for giving challenging scenes from some great plays and for believing in our ability to carry them through. And my Stella classmates for being so supportive and friendly and siiiiick.
- The Stella Adler Outreach Division for going out into the community and helping those who are struggling, and for letting me be a part of it.
- The tireless (underpaid) workers in this city who wash our laundry, drive our trains, fry our chips, paint our nails, and cut our hair with nothing but dignity and professionalism.
- Hot showers and warm beds.
- The sermon below for reminding me of your divine timing.
Let this rollercoaster we call Life roll the fuck on! Weeeee!!!!