dear buddy – week i’ve lost count

Dear Buddy,

This time next month I’ll be back in Australia.

I’m excited to return, there are so many treasures I’ve picked up here that I’m eager to practice over there. Plus, I miss my family. I’ve got a wedding to help plan and a play to rehearse for and an agent to sign up with and a life to resume. Actually, I’m not going to say ‘life to resume’ – it sounds like these past three months have been not-life, not reality, a dream. This is not right. In actual fact, I’ve never felt more alive and grounded and in-myself than I have here. Why is that? Maybe it’s because this city doesn’t judge and allows you to do you, or maybe the city is so demanding, forcing you every minute to be alert and present. Or maybe it’s because (ps. fuck I’ve missed writing) I’ve faced so many fears head on and have subsequently come to know my emotions and behaviours more intimately. Whatever the reason, I thank you Buddy for the day I stepped off the plane and into this experience.

I also thank you para:

  • The right song for coming on at the right moment, like this F.U.N one that’s playing right now
  • OpenTable
  • Uber
  • Mint tea
  • Bagels and cream cheese
  • Words and the ability to select them
  • Arrivals and departures
  • Toilet paper
  • Generosity
  • Lasting friendships
  • Coming together through shared experiences
  • Activities
  • Cameras
  • Shit days
  • Stretching
  • Really good maps, both online and otherwise

Buddy, I am so blessed and there is abundance and wellness abounds. And life is so fucking good even when it’s fucken shit and how ridiculously awesome is it that we have emotions that let us know how we’re tracking throughout the day?! And how good is it that we can make choices at any given moment? And how good is it that we’re in control of our ships and that if we ever see an iceberg up ahead, we have the steering wheel in our grip to turn the ship around. And even if we’re travelling too speedily to make the turn at that stage, and we end up hitting the iceberg and crashing, that we have lifeboats to get into. And how good is it that even if there aren’t enough lifeboats (which there always will be) but hypothetically if there aren’t enough (which will never happen), there are floating planks of wood onto which we can seek safety. And even if those planks of wood are a little dodgy, we can share a friend’s. And even if there isn’t room on their plank of wood and we end up in fact freezing to death in the icy waters, that all of this would have been a much more emotionally-exhausting and intense and exciting and human experience than the one on the steadily-cruising ship that had iceberg-ignorance and a Petula Clark playlist. Boring.

I say bring on the icebergs. I’ve got enough lifeboats. And enough friends with planks. Who will never let me go.

Metaphorically speaking.

Nisrine x

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