I had an appointment with my therapist/healer the other day after which I came to this realisation…
I’ve been fooled.
All the self-help books and spiritual teachers I’ve come across have done one thing: distracted me from my own laziness and humanness. I am now, like the majority of those that walk this Earth, lost and confused.
Now that I don’t have my ‘tall, overseas, name-starting-with-a-D, Barnes & Noble guy’ to look forward to, who can I look forward to? There is nothing for me to look into the future for so now I am left here, in the now, out of control, not knowing who the fuck I’m going to end up with or if I’m going to end up with anyone at all.
And if that dream is dead, then so is my ‘being a well-known actor who uses her high platform to inspire change’ dream. That doesn’t exist, it is merely a ruse.
As are all dreams and all aspirations and all apparent ‘psychic’ revelations.
I guess that on the other side of the coin though is excitement and mystery and adventure? Not knowing where the fuck I’m going to, or into whose arms could in fact leave me to enjoy my everydays without expectation or disappointment?
Maybe I’ll get to that day one day. One day. Just not today.
Today, I am pissed off.